LOVE AFFAIRS in Campus. Evening Affairs or Evening Classes.
It starts innocently —booking each
other seats, sharing notes and being in the same discussion group. Then kaboom
it’s a full-blown affair! Allan Olingo digs
into postgraduate evening programmes, the new cheating dens.
In these days of cutthroat
competition in the corporate world more people are finding themselves back to
school. Thus the new catch phrase, “I have enrolled for evening classes for my
Masters Degree programme”.
But it is emerging that other than
learning, these classes offer a perfect breeding ground for extra-marital
affairs for married couples. Here
is the picture in black and white:
At the Masinde Muliro University LBB building, scores of young men and women in the post-graduate degree
programmes are spotted in pairs rushing for their classes that start at around
5:30 pm.
Tom,
32, who is single, shares his adventurous story.
“It began innocently with a simple
chat as we waited for the lecturer in class. Within no time, we started booking
each other seats, then going out or having lunch dates over the weekend,” says
Tom who has an affair with the hottest girl in his class.
Tom admits that he knows his classmate is married but since she has never
brought this up, he ignores it.
The dates blossomed into a full-blown
affair and since then, they have been intimate several times.
“When we realized we had strong
feelings for each other, she opened up about her troubled marriage and that is
when I learnt that she was in a ‘loveless’ marriage. I offered her the spark
she was missing in her marriage,” Tom says.
The two who will be graduating later
this year are still seeing each other despite the fact that she is still
married with two children.
Tom
is not the only beneficiary of these clandestine evening affairs.
A friend Kim* who has enrolled for
evening classes for a Masters degree recently introduced this writer to his
latest ‘catch’ at a party we were attending. Says Kim: “She is a senior banker
with a regional bank and is married with two children. We shared a class and in
one of our discussion groups, we shared notes. That is how it started.”
Coincidentally, on the day of the
party, which was on a Sunday, Kim’s new catch had lied to her hubby that she
going for a group discussion in campus.
For some adventurous troubled souls,
that is the life nowadays.
So why are evening classes offering a
perfect breeding ground for cheaters?
Mitchell, a student at M MUST shares: “It’s a normal scene to spot a married woman flirting openly
with her favorite male classmate. I think the reason is that these people find
something interesting in each other, shared professions, passion and this
causes the attraction”.
This
evening programme love spell is bewitching, she says.
She adds: “We have seen married
people behave like love struck teens. They book each other adjacent seats in
class; pair up on their way home, share a cup of tea before the classes and
even study together in the library. It’s almost like they are teenagers
discovering each other for the first time, only that one or both of them are
married,” says Mitchell.
According to Psychologist Kennedy
Miduwa, most of these couples in postgraduate classes cheat because they miss
the excitement of the early days and want to experience this fresh passion.
Interestingly, Miduwa says sex is not
the only determinant of this type of relationships because the emotional factor
may also come in.
The woman may be lacking affection,
appreciation and support from her husband, yet she finds it from her male
classmates.
Says Miduwa: “Very few couples
especially men realize that their wives need to be praised and charmed
frequently. Those sweet nothings may appear trivial to a man, but they mean a
lot to a woman.”
“She may have gone to seek academic
advancement in campus but in the process she meets a man who makes her feel
like a woman. When she meets such a man, she may be physically married to you,
but emotionally, she’s detached. The affair is driven by a desire to put
excitement and adventure into a life that was boring,” adds Miduwa.
Sociologist Dr Gidraph Wairire says
people get into these relationships because at home the communication lines are
broken and there is no romance, trust or passion that they shared with their
spouse.
“What do you expect when you have a
class of people who are in boring marriages then they meet exciting people in
class who share in their passion? Instant attraction and just like teenagers
they’ll start flirting. They will find in their classmate what is missing in
their partner and soon an affair brews,” says Dr Wairire.
According to Wairire, many couples
seek an outlet for their marital pressures and they always get this from the
acquaintances.
Says Wairire: “In such cases, women
prefer to join the gym or church groups while others enrol for evening classes.
Men turn to drinking, which worsens the problem as it leads to affairs.”
Wairire explains the turn of events:
“In the early years of the marriage, your spouse makes you feel good about
yourself. Then as the years go by, the excitement fizzles out. When such a
partner finds a lover who understands them, it’s a powerful draw.”
“Experiencing the fun and joy of
having a new lover which comes with intense emotions, the secret meetings plus
the possibility of getting caught fuels the excitement and that’s why these
evening classes offer a perfect pot to cook an affair,” says Dr Wairire.
In an interview with Time magazine,
Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts
and Minds of People in Two Relationships, says most people who get into such
affairs are in troubled marriages.
“In most times, she has no plans to
cheat, but the friendly classmate warms her heart and floats onto her radar
screen. It then starts innocently, then develops into an emotional affair.
Before she knows it, she has crossed the line,” says Mira.
Mira adds that once they realize that
they have crossed the boundaries; they feel wonderful because it was a line
they were hungry to cross. It’s a delicate balance. You either stay in a boring
marriage or you look for an exciting alternative.
“If a couple does not spend time to
love and appreciate each other, the marriage loses the passion that keeps it
alive. This void is what pushes the aggrieved party to seek for the next best
option which is to have an affair,” says Mira.
So if you are planning to enroll for
such classes make sure your marital house is in order, otherwise you will fall
for the trap.
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